You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
