Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
