so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
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Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
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I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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