I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
