waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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