i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
