I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal