I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?