i was born a porn star she said
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.