Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
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I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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