like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow