there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
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Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.