Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  What's wrong?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pussy.

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  (503): What's wrong? (1-503): Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans. (503): Pussy. http://tfl.nu/sltt
  Replies (18) Good night (917) Bad night (2254)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.

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  (715): I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed. http://tfl.nu/mebd
  Replies (21) Good night (4683) Bad night (808)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."

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  (214): I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused." http://tfl.nu/qcvq
  Replies (12) Good night (11595) Bad night (1102)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.

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  (503): i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding. http://tfl.nu/0bxz
  Replies (10) Good night (788) Bad night (2891)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.

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  (301): My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it. http://tfl.nu/gp6s
  Replies (7) Good night (3129) Bad night (1059)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week

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  (732): hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week http://tfl.nu/ig19
  Replies (9) Good night (3042) Bad night (893)
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  (516): View more from New York

  So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?

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  (516): So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway? http://tfl.nu/m1uu
  Replies (11) Good night (2860) Bad night (1137)
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  (916): View more from California

  I can already almost taste penis in my mouth

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  (916): I can already almost taste penis in my mouth http://tfl.nu/o1w6
  Replies (10) Good night (2341) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.

  (850): View more from Florida

  This has already gotten way out of hand

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  (336): Two words. Shotgunning Cognac. (850): This has already gotten way out of hand http://tfl.nu/ow6e
  Replies (4) Good night (1342) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.

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  (803): I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it. http://tfl.nu/1xwb
  Replies (12) Good night (4353) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.

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  (269): We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable. http://tfl.nu/14d9
  Replies (3) Good night (1536) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..

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  (215): i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out (1-215): you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night.. http://tfl.nu/3w68
  Replies (4) Good night (321) Bad night (962)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.

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  (407): There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things. http://tfl.nu/bogj
  Replies (4) Good night (224) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer

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  (267): Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer http://tfl.nu/jmew
  Replies (1) Good night (658) Bad night (247)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.

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  (218): I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount. http://tfl.nu/edpp
  Replies (2) Good night (539) Bad night (271)

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