oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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