If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
