guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
