I feel like I'm in dance class right now
well I can't set my house on fire every night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
