nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Two words: blizzard sex
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
