hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
