Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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