it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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