i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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