Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
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Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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