Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
