i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
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