i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
