This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
