He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
