I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
