When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
