honey bunches of taint.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
