The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
