Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
