This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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