I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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