apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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