i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize