Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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