Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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