So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize