I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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