Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
