Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
