Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
