The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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