apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
