we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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