he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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