Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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