cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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