dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
