I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
