He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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