Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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