I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
