I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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