I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
