Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
