I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
