smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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