when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
