beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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