id be glad to
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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