She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
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How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.