She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My lighter is stuck in my beard.