we have officially lost it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
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We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it