Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Randomize
Follow @tfln