Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
