I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
