You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
