i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
