This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
