Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
