i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
